Imagine how insulting, degrading and isolating it must be to wake up one morning and discover that your phone has not been hacked by the tabloid press. After all, if your private life has not been tapped into and exploited by some fetid scumbag, you’ve clearly done something wrong.

Not to be included in this craze currently sweeping the nation is the kind of cultural bullying that we need to stamp out. What crime must you have committed if your life is not deemed worthy of public scrutiny by all those noble, honest and ethical tabloid newspapers? It’s just so very sad to see this minority excluded and segregated from the rest of society.

Yes this whole phone hacking saga is shocking, amoral and those responsible should be nailed to the wall, but it’s also shocking how shocked everyone is.

Corruption in newspapers, business, the police, politics and governments. Has it ever been any other way? It’s as old as some particularly old hills. And you know why? People can be corrupted. It’s just what happens. Next they’ll be telling us criminals are corrupt.

Does this excuse what’s been happening? Course not. But until we eradicate people from the equation, it’s never going away. That’s the key. This world needs an enema. Flush us all away and let another species have a crack at running the show.

What about earthworms? Got to love the earthworm. They just do what they do, fertilize the soil, recycle waste, keep things ticking over. They don’t watch the Apprentice. They’ve probably never even heard of Jeremy Kyle. And they’re both male and female at the same time, how cool is that? so, I think I’ll leave you with the wonderful words of Lord Summerisle in The Wicker Man:

“I think I could turn and live with animals. They are so placid and self-contained. They do not lie awake in the dark and weep for their sins. They do not make me sick discussing their duty to God. Not one of them kneels to another or to his own kind that lived thousands of years ago. Not one of them is respectable or unhappy, all over the earth.”